For the past few days I’ve been enjoying the seasonal - and welcomed - challenge of keeping my mood on track. One of the ways that my mood messes with my head is cravings - ravenous ones. That’s why I started looking at tires.Cravings hit me most when I’m driving somewhere - especially if it’s a long drive. I associate long drives with road trips, I associate road trips with road food, I associate rood food with travel, I associate travel with freedom.On this particular “long drive” (25 minutes) I developed a craving out of nowhere. I started wondering:Am I anxious about something?Do I need some type of dopamine hit right now?What is causing my mind to think about that?I then decided, that it doesn’t matter what is causing it or if anything is on my mind. That feeling is there, it’s okay, and I need to change the game.I came to an intersection, stopped, and directed my attention to the right rear tire of the car to my left.I noticed the tire’s brand, the bright mint green cap that covers the air hose socket, the tread - it looked newer, the brake pad, the wheel itself - shiny, and I noticed how the tire moved when the stop and go light turned green.I stopped thinking about my craving and started wondering about the tire.I didn’t silence the craving by ignoring it. I acknowledged it and I reminded myself it’s okay to have it. I also started noticing something else totally unrelated.Next time frozen custard or cookies (oh my gosh, cookies are a problem for me) is on your mind, consider a tire.
“Our life’s mission has been to please those who can grant or withhold approval: parents, teachers, coaches, admissions officers and job interviewers. As a result, many of us don’t know what we believe or what matters to us.” - Julie Hartman via the Wall Street JourneyWhen I used to interview for a living, and I’m sort of doing that again, I would ask people questions so that I could better understand who they are - what they believe, how they want to show up, and what matters. Consistently, candidates responded in a way that caters their answers to the job we’re here to talk about.That’s not helpful.It’s not helpful because the recruitment is the art of aligning problem and solution. “You are looking for problems to solve like this…, this job is looking for a person who has solved problems like that… this might be a match. Let’s talk about if this makes sense for you to look at this job. Where are you headed? What do you need? Does this job help you get there? And do you help us get to where we’re going?“That’s all it is.(Or all it could/should be.)And, that process of alignment only works if we’re honestly asserting what we believe and what matters to us.Sadly, LinkedIn gurus, career hucksters and career development centers all advise career changers and starters to cater their responses to an interview. “They’re listening for certain words… use these words.“If you’re hiring a team, interviewing a celebrity, answering a question from a curious child, being interviewed because you’re a celebrity, doing anything creative, or literally existing - say what you believe and say what matters.You, myself, and the rest of us are not robots.
“Why questions” create the Morpheus Effect. Take the blue pill and you flirt with the idea and go back to your life. Take the red pill and the question becomes your life.Here’s are examples from my life.Why can’t I better own the morning?Why aren’t swing dance groups and bands proposing a combined dance+music experience to venues?Why am I experiencing such irritability?Why don’t more musicians think about who their work is for and it how it serves the people it’s for? Why don’t they seem to care about the end user?Why do people say things like “let’s just take a step back and get on the same page” at every meeting?Why don’t we allow our kids to attend parent+principle meetings? How will they ever learn how to have these conversations if they don’t watch them?Why can’t a department have something to believe in?You likely have similar questions. And you likely have realized that each question invites you to take the blue pill, flirt with the idea and go back to living your life, or take the red pill and obsess.More often than not, you likely choose the blue bill. But,What keeps most of us from choosing the Red pill?From pursuing the fundamental “why” even at the cost of productivity?The fear of the sunk cost: “We’ve already started… we’re already into it… we’ve already spent the cash… I’ve already made the reservation…“The fear of what it means to be wrong: “What if we thought about this all the wrong way the whole time? What if others see my reasoning as flawed? What if I don’t have what it takes after all?“The fear of having to do the work: “What will this mean for me now? What more will I have to do? Why is this so hard? Why can’t it be easier?“The fear that you might be right.I tend to take the red pill because that’s how I am.Which pill do you take?
“When pre-schoolers ask Why, they’re looking to get to the bottom of things - first principles. If kids don’t get a god answer, children they are likely going to be dissatisfied and to repeat the original question.” - Warren Berger/A More Beautiful QuestionI guess Louis C.K. was right:Dedicated to Trevor, a reader like you. He and I worked together for about a year and some change. He always had and was brave enough to ask lots of fundamental questions.“Why are we doing this…?““Why is it that way…?““How does that work…?“I one time remember him leveraging that curiosity to discover that the first principle behind this problem that our customer had was that there was only one person in the entire company that had a very specific knowledge and that person no longer worked in a role that could support the customer’s issue.To get to that point, Trevor started with: “Why are things this way?”
I’m typically the challenger in the room… I see things and I want to know why, I’m told things and I want to ask “why I should”… I seem to push back on all forms of authority. Is that because I want power? Or is that because I don’t want to accept things at face value?I don’t care about acquiring power. I used to, but I don’t. What I care about is not to accept things without first understanding them. Just because someone says “we’ve always done it that way,” or “that’s not something students go to,” or “well the principle said this,” or “this is just what we do,” doesn’t mean it has to be that way. In fact, I argue that people who say that haven’t really stopped to question why they say that. My challenging nature is often met with, “well then, what do you think we should do?” or, “If you’re so smart why don’t you figure it out?” I read those as defense mechanisms for “we don’t know why and don’t question us because we don’t want to expose that we don’t know.“Often I answer with questions like “well, what if we did it a different way?” or “how does this process help that thing happen?” But sometimes, my answer is a simple:“I don’t know more, I know less.”
It happens around this time every year… the other time is in the fall.Suddenly a surge of energy, a desire to do so many things, inspiration, productivity, efficacy, all the things!And then suddenly, a desire to withdraw. To have time to myself. To be alone. To rest.Sprinkled over the top is an underlying moodiness… an irritation with things that aren’t irritable, an anger for things that aren’t anger-able, and a distrust for things that aren’t dis-trustable.Hah… I have this image in my head of the Bae Salt video guy sprinkling moodiness. See the video below.Is this all a problem? Not at all. It’s what I live with… like you might live with a cough, or a sore leg, or a migraine, or with glasses, or with braces, or with a CPAP. It’s just something I deal with.If anything, it’s a good thing. I’ve learned so much about myself from this bipolar friend. I have also made the worst mistakes of my life (so far) but I have come out a better human for it. Sure, my productivity might be a bit up and then fall a bit… I guess it all balances out. And sure, I may need some more alone time… but these are things that I know. And that’s the point.The things that we live with that could ruin our days - they are our friends. They are showing us something about ourselves - that we need to slow down, be more mindful, and be still.Only when you can stop and be still can you effectively know what to do next.I’m especially thankful to my friend, Mr. Bipolar Disorder (pronouns are he/his/him). Thanks for showing me how to slow down, be still, and think about what really matters.
How do you stay more curious? Why should you?Curiosity is for finding food, safety, shelter, belonging, and efficacy.Curiosity is also for avoiding danger.Curiosity is an essential and deeply required life skill. Are you employing that very primal skill in the very best of ways?Are you being curious about new ideas? Or are you eager to confirm your bias?Are you being curious about the “why behind the what”? Or are you passively aggressively advancing your agenda?Do you really care how I am? Or are you just making a greeting and don’t really want to know the answer?Better employing and leveraging curiosity enables us to be more effective at what we get to do - serving others.How might we serve our audiences better? How might we help them realize more value from our experience?What if my son tried project-based learning as opposed to compliance-based learning? (oh, the irony and quip in that question!)Why does my employer not engage in pay transparency?Why did my followers like this song vs that song?It’s an easy call to action - being more curious. And if you’re thinking that it’s so easy to do, then ask yourself, “How might I be and stay more curious?”
It’s one of those days.When the pit of your stomach feels restless, your eyes feel tired, and your mind is thirsting to learn more… but not focus. When sleep feels welcomed.Today, I’m choosing to listen to my body, but not listen too hard.My mind might choose to deflect responsibilities, my stomach may crave nutrient-deficient food, my brain may push me to be reckless. How do I listen?Risk mitigation.I spent a year or so in Customer Success. The field of CS, what Customer Success is often known as, is all about showing customers the value of their investment while being on the lookout to risk - something that might cause the customer not to renew their subscription. When you identify risk, you need to come up with a plan to mitigate it.Well… warping back to the present… my plan is simple.Let stakeholders know that what got done today, what will get done tomorrow, and that I’m available on my phone if they need me - ringer’s on.So why does this matter for you?Because you should listen to your body, mitigate the risks, and take care of you.Nobody pays you enough not to.
“Here’s what you get to do today…“I remember that phrasing used by my kindergarten teachers. I also remember how phrasing tasks and exploration that way made me feel - excited. What if we woke up each day and said, “here’s what I get to do…"?What if our leaders welcomed us each week and said, “here’s what we get to do this week…"?What if we told our audiences, “here’s what you get to do with me for the next hour…"?How much more exciting would life be if we lived it as curious explorers versus as a cog in the machine?
Deborah Meier played a major role in the formation of Central Park East - a school focused on questions.What makes CPE schools different, according to Meier, is that students are “interested in what [they] don’t know, not just what [they] do know.“To make that happen, Meier developed and implemented 5 Habits of Mind. They’re listed below.How do we know what’s true or false? What evidence counts?How might this look if we stepped into other shoes, or looked at it from a different direction?Is there a pattern? Have we seen something like this before?What if it were different?Why does this matter?Here’s why I’m sharing this with you… I believe these habits of mind can be adopted by you and you can use them every day.If you’re managing a project, team, or a process:How do you know that the data you have collected is true and valid?How might the data and metrics look if you stepped into the customer’s shoes, or your team’s shoes?Are you seeing a pattern? Is there seasonality?What if the circumstances were different? How might different circumstances change the outcome?Why does it matter?If you’re an entrepreneur, you could ask the same question.If you’re a musician, these questions are even more important to you.How do I know that the numbers of followers I have is meaningful, accurate, and valid?How might that data look from the perspective of a promoter? Does my data tell the right story?Is there a pattern? Are you seeing you’re getting more followers after every promotion?How might different performance venues or set lists alter your outcomes?Why does it matter?There are so many ways we can think about the world around us. Sometimes a prompt or a guide helps.It works for kindergartners ;-)