Pro tip for working with difficult people:It is their problem with you, not your problem with them.Enjoy the perspective that comes from that!

How far will you go and how much will you sacrifice to win?How far will you go and how much will you sacrifice to be perceived as being right?What are the stakes of not winning? Not making the sale? Not hitting the target?What are the stakes of doing it all at the expense of yourself and your truth?Managers, music directors, band leaders, teachers, parents, spouses, partners, friends, or humans at one time make the mistake of needing to be right - to win. The feeling of winning though is short lived - we eventually discover there’s a cost.Not long ago, I failed to learn from my mistakes as a leader. Because I felt I was right, I believed others should perceive me to be right too. I would do all I could to influence and manipulate someone’s environment so that they would either give in, or lead me into a false sense of believing they agreed with me. The cost would be my credibility to lead - people lost truth.I won, but only a battle, and at a significant cost to me.I am sure you have been in similar battles. Trying to get your kids to do something that you believe to be right and when they don’t, acting out to make your point. Vibing the musicians in your band because you need to stroke your own ego because you’re not confident in yourself. When your employee corrects you for messing up and you explain away your behavior to avoid being in the wrong.Winning needs a new definition. For me, winning is being invited back by those you seek to serve to play the game again tomorrow.If that was your definition of winning, isn’t it possible that you’re already winning every day? And if you are, how might that change your perception of your life?

There are moments that call for action. When we notice an inequity, an opportunity right a wrong, or to stand with our peers and say - we need to fix this for each other, and for our team.These are the moments to not hold back. These are the muster the courage to confess our truth.You encounter these moments every day. Whether to be real with your students and let them know where they stand, to show your team a truth about what they could have been had they approached a problem differently, or to show a loved one how they might more effectively share their love with so that you well receive it.Why hold back?In the pursuit of truth, I see no reason to!Advance!Take the step!

Two people text with each other. One person asking the other to help them solve an issue. The person in the position unfortunately can’t provide the service the requester is asking. The requester gives the person rendering service guff. “Well, I’m from Boston, that’s why I am this way… deal with it.“Careful not to misuse truths.Truths are meant to set us free. They are a map to help us make better decisions, communicate more effectively so that we move through life with equanimity.Truths are not weapons. They are not meant to justify poor communication.Careful how you use truth.Assert it. Celebrate it.Honor it.

So there you are, trying to solve an interesting problem - perhaps by yourself, perhaps with others. But the pressure to find an answer gives you a creative block, the need to be effective and prove yourself keeps you from taking risks, and the stakes of getting the answer wrong “could” cost you your job. This problem is keeping you from shipping meaningful work - creative, personal, parental, professional, whatever. There’s no time to do divert your attention, there’s no time to relax, there’s no time for play.What if you did what doesn’t make sense? What if you stopped what you were doing and pulled out a zany book - like Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy? What if you called a friend and met up for a beverage? What if you shut down the computer and played with your kids - and really played with them?I believe we don’t play enough.Think about it, when was the last time you really gave yourself time to play? And if you’re a musician “playing music” isn’t “play,” it would be “noodling” or “jamming”.On my team, we’re giving ourselves time to spin outside of the box yarns about our lives and we build on the yarns of others. We invest time for play and to be human.In my life, I am giving myself time to get bored, to read something fun, to step away from work and exist as myself - the human.Stop wasting time taking life, yourself, and others too seriously. Give yourself time to have fun, be outlandish, and play.No, you won’t be wasting time. In fact, you’ll be giving yourself that break you need to re-approach your problem and make the impact you seek to make.My team stood up a program that involved completing 33 cross-functional projects across multiple types of teams (marketing, product developers, sales, support, consultants, leaders, you name it) in 2 months. We didn’t do it taking ourselves seriously… we laughed and had fun the whole way.What keeps you from starting down that path now?

A person asked me what it takes to be an effective leader. What is one thing they could learn or adopt or apply to become a good people manager. This person is looking to grow their career, and driven. I suggested that to get what they want, they would need to learn about anti-fragility.Most leaders struggle to build strong teams because they concave to stress, don’t know how to operate when they don’t know where they are, and can’t cultivate a sense of equanimity when the going gets tough. In those moments, it doesn’t matter if you can make people “feel good”, it doesn’t help if you “start with why”, or if you “inspire your team to go from good to great.” The problem is that you don’t know how to destroy muscle so that it can be built back stronger - you don’t know how to be anti-fragile.Anti-fragility is the convex of being a scientist and an artist. It’s being willing to fail, it’s also being willing to be curious, try something new, be robust, and persevere. And, you can do that while being human!So how to do that with a team? How to do that as a leader? As a person?I believe the first step is acceptance.Taking what’s being thrown at you, and leveraging it to advance your way forward. All the things that make art art - improvisation, creation, being in the moment, and doing the work.If you can do that for yourself, you can help others do that for them.Anti-fragility sounds like a leadership buzzword… and perhaps it is. But if it helps, why not?!

Do you know people who are committed to getting their life together, but then get off track and feel like giving up?

They feel like they took 2 steps forward and 4 steps back. But they didn’t. They stopped and started another path.Imagine life as a journey along a straight path.

At any point you can stop and decide to do something else. That “something else” is a new path. If you don’t want to stay on that path, stop and decide to do something else.

I woke up excited, I am still excited. I woke up ready to do something, to make something, to ship something. When I sat down at my computer to review book notes and start journal’ing, I experienced this feeling…Anxious, ready to move.Frustrated, what am I doing here?Chest pain, but not in a heart attack way, in a “are we really going to sit here?" way.Doubt, we can’t just sit here.Self talk, “you’ve written enough… let’s do something else.”Resolve. “the practice requires you to write - you must engage in the practice to bring clarity to your thoughts and resolve to your nature.”Instead of reflecting on what I have read, or thoughts on an ongoing theme - questions, actions, and how we get in our own way - I decided to side step and show a bit of my humanity… I imagine you might feel the same sometimes. Sometimes this blog feels like a book. A free book you get every day. And sometimes it feels like a journal… a journal that’s open, and reflective of an experience people like us might share from time to time. Let’s not afraid to be human, be ourselves, and be content with our experience. Written 1/26/22

I am not in “sales,” but I attend their conferences. A line that I hear all the time at sales conferences is, “outcomes follow actions.“If “outcomes follow action” became a mathematical law, something that’s always true, how might we apply that to life, leadership, and everything?I see that question manifested through questions people ask me. “I am trying to figure out what to do with my life… should I look for this position or that position?“I always respond with, “What is the work that you want to get invited to do every day?“People who are looking for jobs or a career path always focus on the outcome they want, but they don’t know the actions they want to do. You could find a job that feels right, but if you’re not doing the work that matters you’ll quit. Or worse, you’ll stick it out and hate your life. Was that worth it?We need to take a page out of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy and instead of being in pursuit of the ultimate answer, we need to be in pursuit of the ultimate question.What is the work you want to get invited to do every day? For me, it’s:How might I connect more with humans?How might I connect the dots for humans - help them tell a better story?How might I discover the first principles of human problems?How might I brainstorm creative solutions to interesting problems?How might I test out ideas and collect feedback?How might I think more deeply about ideas, interesting problems, philosophy, life.Outcomes follow actions. The action of pursuing the questions above has led to outcomes that have brought fulfillment. As a musician and as a people leader I get to pursue all of those questions in my work.So grab your towel, and start translating your life as a pursuit of the ultimate questions for life, the universe, and everything.

To play jazz, or any music, the artist must be like a scientist - curious, feel a sense of passion, demonstrate patience, exercise creativity, be self-sufficient, and have courage. Courage to, as John Barry in The Great Influenza writes, “venture into the unknown…. the courage to accept - indeed embrace - uncertainty.“While playing a gig, at any moment something could go off the rails. The singer could come in early (will likely happen), the sound could go out, a party goer will ask for Freebird (guaranteed to happen), or some frat kid will ask for more cowbell (if I had a penny…). Those, or any hundreds upon hundreds of mistakes, could throw off the piece. When that happens, what do we do? How do we pivot? How do we finish the song as if we planned it that way?We embrace uncertainty. We know we could screw up. We are okay with that. Jazz musicians will often say, “as long as we end together!“So how to bridge the gap between mistake (stimulus) and the ending?Stop. Don’t stop the tune, but take a breath and…Listen. What’s happening around us? Does it sound like someone is going to take the lead? Who is off? Who is on? Is it me?Look. Is someone signaling to go to a new section? Does the leader look like they’re aware of what’s up… are they hatching a plan? Wait, I’m the leader… do I know what’s up? Is everyone with me?Act. Get everyone’s attention, determine the next optimal spot to come together, communicate that spot, prepare everyone to jump, 1, 2, 3, and…Jump.Steps 4 and 5 don’t happen without Step 1 - 3. And, as a musician, you must love steps 1-3.You must look forward to the opportunity to take in what’s happening around you and enjoy it! You must embrace the opportunity to align everybody together and prepare us to move as one. You need to recognize that it won’t be perfect, but it will be something you all do together.Hey… as long as we end together.