Do you frequent a local coffee shop enough that the barista knows your name? Perhaps they know your order? Azure and Sierra at the Stonecreek Coffee on Bluemound Road not only know my name, my order, and approximately when I’ll arrive on Saturday. They greet me by name when I enter and wave goodbye as I leave. Azure and Sierra treat the customers before and after me the same way. I imagine those customers feel as I feel - special. But what is it about this type of treatment that gets customers feeling so good? Is it just remembering a name? Is it knowing what you want before you want it? Sure. But I think Azure and Sierra’s secret ingredient is something you can do every day - if you choose. They care. They care about the work they do - they’re the kind of people who enjoy making things for people who care about good craft. They care about the people they serve - people who appreciate craft products and services. Because they care, I, and customers like me, are treated to a unique form of service. The type of service we come to expect from only the finest of establishments. But instead rendered at a neighborhood coffee shop. Helping others, and yourself, feel special starts with one word and one action - care.

There will be moments when you can generously contribute to a conversation. When you could have asked the question that moves the conversation forward. But, if you’re like me from the other day, you won’t take the chance to step up and be generous with your insight. You’ll pass. You’ll pass because you might be thinking about what the others will think of your question.You’ll pass because what if your question totally derails the conversation.You’ll pass because people have said you’re too aggressive and you should listen more. You’ll pass because you’ve been told your voice doesn’t matter. You don’t know enough. You’ll pass because you’re afraid. But what you miss is that others are probably wondering the same thing as you. And you’ll miss that they are looking for someone - like you - to step up and be generous.When the opportunity to be generous presents itself - seize it.

You could have a career in music. In fact, your work now is probably more similar to a musical career than you think. You have spent years perfecting a craft - teacher, consultant, salesperson, strategist, parent, friend. You get dressed up and show up to a venue - school, dinner table, an office, your computer desk, the Internet. You share your work - knowledge, skills, expertise, etc. And you hope your audience appreciates your work.  What’s often missing, and it’s something musicians often forget, is an understanding of your audience. Why are they showing up to see you? Why do they care what you have to say? And, will your work resonate within them? When I write you, I often touch on this point - your audience is telling themselves a story about themselves. In that story, they are the hero - not you. In that story, they came for an experience that you are helping to create for them.  Your kids show up to the dinner table because it completes a story they’re telling themselves about what it means (for them) to be at dinner.Your customers are showing up to your meeting because they want to learn something that enables them to impress their bosses.Your students work hard because getting a good grade validates a story they’re telling themselves about what school means for them.If you want to do something worth something for someone else, deeply listen to your audience.

In music, especially jazz, it can be said that the art happens between the notes. What’s not played is almost as, if not more, important than what was played. Life is no different.When faced with problems, instead of over-engineering a solution, first look for what could be taken away. Look for the space between the notes. Create jazz.

Two ways to think about victory for the competitive person:Winning through acquisition - points, homes, money, arguments, influence, or status.Winning by being invited to play the game the next day.#1 feels good short-term, but it doesn’t sustain.  #2 feeds the soul. Imagine if winning looked like this:A client calling you back because of your generous work;Your employer saying, “good work, come back tomorrow;“A friend says, “I loved the time we spent together. Let’s do it again…;“The band you’re subbing with invites you to play with them again; andBeing able to wake up the next day.Are you comparing your Instagram life to that of another? Looking to see if your house is better than your neighbors? Or trying to claw up the corporate ladder? If you are, consider rethinking what winning looks like for you. You might find that you get what you want and feel fulfilled in the process.  And speaking of winning, congratulations to my Mom for receiving a Distinguished Alumnae award from her college. I am proud of you, Mom!

Perhaps a better way to ask the question is, what’s the real challenge in showing yourself to others? What if life is more like a play? Or a musical? In the scene where you are with your family, you could be playing a multitude of roles—partner, parent, daughter, son, auntie, or insert another title here. No matter what the part is, there is a way to play it. When I am David, the uncle, I am not the say way as I am when I am David, the son. I play the part to suit the scene and my audience. You are no different. Imagine if your surgeon walked into the surgery room after learning their family was killed in a car accident? And imagine how you might feel if that surgeon decided to share that news with you while crying and then say: “Okay… are you ready?“The others appreciate the value you bring to the scene through how you play your part. And then, when your role in the scene concludes, you exit stage left, take off the makeup, look at yourself in the mirror and say, “I did something for someone that mattered, and they cared about it. I am good.” We see you. I see you.

Do you want to feel needed? A sense of belonging? Do you feel safer know there’s a place for you?  I believe these thoughts and feelings penetrate every part of our life. Perhaps they contribute to how we see ourselves? Knowing that there will be a job for me at work helps me feel that I have something to give.Knowing that my friends need me to be their friend helps me feel that I am worthy of friends.Knowing that my partner won’t ever leave me helps me feel that I am worth being with.Knowing that my kids will take care of me helps me feel that I won’t be abandoned.Where does the list end?  I believe the list ends when we realize that we don’t need others to feel valued, worthy, or safe. What we need is to be the best of friends to ourselves.  You have work to do, and there will be people who need the work that you do. Find them. Serve them.You are worthy of knowing and associating with other humans that you can call friends. You are worthy because you are kind and loving to yourself and, therefore, with others.You are worthy of others wanting to partner with you because you know where you are going, you know what matters to you, and you found someone who wants to join you on the journey.You are worthy of feeling safe because you came into this life alone, you - alone - became who you are, and you will leave this life the same way.The message is to realize that you are your reason for success. You are the reason that others want to work with you or know you. You are your own solace, and you are your motivation.   There’s a place for people like us.

So easy, it should be illegal.

Nothing on this earth is perfect. Nature is not perfect - it’s messy. And if nature in its purest form is not perfect, it is - in a sense - perfect.  

If your brain is hurting, hear me out.

Perfectadjective/ˈpərfikt

Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.

If you accept that definition, then randomness and defect are desirable elements because they naturally occur. Do all tulips look exactly alike? 

“It’s not my job to motivate players. They bring extraordinary motivation to our program. It’s my job not to de-motivate them.” - Lou Holtz, Notre Dame football coach.

(My parents are Notre Dame fans, and I thought Lou’s quote my strike a positive chord within them.)

You are telling yourself a story about yourself. In that story, you want to be the hero. You want to see yourself doing work and being successful at it. You want to see others recognizing you for your work and ability to overcome the obstacles in your way. You do not need another human to motivate you.  

Who is a manager for? And why do they care about it?  The other day I was thinking about management and its function. First, I thought the act of managing others was for the benefit of our customers - so that they’re receiving a well-polished experience. But, from time to time, I am a cynic and had a different thought. Perhaps, a more realistic view. Management was for extracting the maximum return on investment from the salary it pays an employee. Here’s an example.  Let’s assume I pay you $10,000 a year. The manager I hire to look after your work will do all they can to make sure I am getting my money’s worth - return on investment (ROI). The manager will do that by finding ways for you to work smarter. They will help you reach your job goals, coach you, invest in you as a person, and do all they can to help you be your best at work. Is this a bad thing? I don’t think it’s bad management to help you be the best you can be. But, I don’t believe we’re honest with ourselves about management’s purpose. Can you imagine if your manager sent you an email like this: “Are you getting the maximum ROI from the salary we pay you? Let’s chat at 1:00 pm to strategize next steps."?So what makes a good manager?The person who plays the role of manager best is the person who cares about nurturing other humans most. When that type of person manages the work of others, they get results, and the people they manage feel valued.The function of management may be to get the maximum ROI from the salary it pays an employee. But, the magic happens when a person cares enough about another to nurture a relationship, create trust, and do something that matters for them.  How to be the best manager in the world?Stop thinking about your company or your job. Start creating trust, showing up, and be a gift to those in your charge. The rest will follow.