If you’re called to play a blues gig, your bandleader is not looking for you to sound like Bach. And if you’re hired to do a job at a company, your employer is looking for you to show up and be what they need you to be.  “Authenticity” is knowing how and when to be what the people you serve need you to be.  Last week, I realized that I am a bull in a china shop - most times. My personality tends to command a room, influence the band, and bring others into an experience I am trying to create. The people I serve don’t always need that from me. Does that mean you have to change who you are?  The working musician knows lots of music styles–if they didn’t, nobody would hire them. For any given performance, the musician needs to switch from one genre to another fluidly and effortlessly. Changing how you play doesn’t change who you are–you are only changing how you play the gig. Life is no different.To learn a new style, ask these questions:How are my peers showing up?How do they respond in meetings?How do they do the work they do?Think outside of work, maybe you’re traveling:How do people sit down to eat?How do they eat their food?How do they greet others who are in authority or older?Getting better at playing the gig is learning how to show up, listen, and contribute. Life is no different.

Write a letter to yourself and date the letter: December 31, 2021. In the letter, describe the following:Accomplishments big and small;Failures and how you learned from them;Relationship with yourself and how it developed;Relationships with others and how you improved them; andWhat you hope tomorrow brings.Close the letter with a parting thought to yourself. Read that letter to yourself once a month.  Don’t look for reasons why you should do it. Start it. See what happens.

If you want to learn to play rock, start by listening to the blues because the blues musicians influenced rock-and-rollers. If you’re going to learn the blues, listen to slave songs and spirituals because that music gave birth to what we know as the blues. No matter what you do in music, there will always be a fundamental starting point - a source of truth from which to grow. Curating a “books to read” list of 384 titles spanning 60 topics was no different. I read a lot of Seth Godin’s work. His books often contain citations or endnotes for further reading - his influences. I then begin researching the people who influenced Seth, and then the people who influenced them, and I keep going until I arrive at the fundamental. I do that process for many of the authors I read.  So why does any of this matter? Because of exploration. Because I get to choose how and who to explore next. I may not get to everything on the list, and that’s okay. Achievement is not finishing the list; it’s hoping that the list never stops growing.  If you want to see the list, go here.

Do you believe in Santa Claus? And if you do, did you write him a thank you card? This guy, Santa, spends three hundred and sixty-four days - presumably - making or purchasing presents for all who believe in him. Finally, he spends fuel and time delivering gifts. And you know what, since he’s overweight and old, I imagine his insurance premiums must be higher. And considering all of that, we do not send him a thank you.While you might not be sending “thank you’s” to Santa this year, do consider thanking the people in your life that you don’t recognize enough: the receptionist, waste remover, drive-thru helper, or your enemy. They each make something worth something for you. Personally, thank you for being a reader. I write my ideas for us - to help us notice more, do better, and think differently about culture. Happy New Year.

Outside of the Apple Store at Mayfair Mall stood a medium-height person wearing black pants and a black short-sleeved shirt. The person stood at the entrance of the stoor with their arms crossed. People queued up to be interrogated by this person who asked - “why are you here?” If they answered the question correctly, “because I have an appointment,” the person would extend their index finger and point them to a customer service representative. I felt better about the side harm holstered on their belt when I read the word, Security, which was printed in big friendly letters on the back of their shirt. Faithful readers of the blog - like you - know that I observe lots of things. When you get into the habit of noticing what’s around you, it’s almost impossible not to ask - “what’s it for?” or “who’s it for?” If a security guard is for protection, does protection come at the cost of the shopping experience? What if the security guard did not cross their arms? What if the guard welcomed every person who queued up with, “So happy you’re here. What time is your appointment? 3:00 pm? Got it. Steven, over there waving to you, can help you now. Enjoy!“Once you see what others stop noticing, you can’t unsee it. Because once you notice it, you can make it better.

I woke up this morning without any motivation or desire to get out of bed. I would have gladly taken an extra hour of sleep. But then I got myself out of bed, got dressed, started my routine. Now I am writing to you, invigorated and curious. Doing the work - even the work of getting up in the morning - motivates. Not the other way around.

Stop.Take a breath.Look at what’s in front of you.Don’t try to understand it.Just observe it.Take a breath.Start again.Do that for 30 seconds a few times a day for maximum results.Looking at the cat helps.

If you were making $100,000 per year at your job, a 0.05% raise would be $45.66. Would you work that hard for $45? If you spend 1,000 hours mastering a skill, and your teacher said you needed to put in 0.05% more effort, would you spend the 27 minutes required? There are 8,760 hours per year. At most, we celebrate two holidays per year. And each holiday consists of a party that lasts 4 hours - 0.05% of the year. Yet, for such an insignificant amount of time, a significant portion of our population becomes exceptionally anxious. Why do we stress over such an insignificant amount of time? The choice we get to make is to decide how we will spend our time. Being someone that lives with bipolar disorder, it doesn’t always feel like the choice is possible. But being someone that lives with bipolar disorder, I can tell you it is. How will you spend your day?

Now, we are in a time where the simplest activities can become the most complicated of drama. But they don’t have to be.Perfection is the acceptance of imperfection - nothing can be perfect; therefore, everything is perfect. Your family dinner will not resemble Norman Rockwell’s Freedom from Want. It can’t be. Because Norman Rockwell is not designing your life - you get to do that.  Your time with loved ones will include all kinds of discussions across an array of topics - and that’s what people do when they get together.  People in your life may want alone time - and that’s a great way to self-care. “Holidays are for family” is a misnomer. The holiday season is for preparation and recognition. It’s for thinking about what’s to come and recognizing what was and is - but you can do that any time. So what are the holidays really for? Unless your religious, nothing that truly matters. Because what truly matters is what matters to you.  Keep your expectations in check.

When you run late for meetings, are you cursing yourself for being late?  When you make a silly mistake, are you telling yourself that you’re stupid?When you upset someone, are you telling yourself that you’re a terrible person?The way we talk to ourselves is far worse than how we would let someone talk to us. Why? Because we’re self-absorbed.  If I am late for a meeting with the CEO, I might curse myself for being late and update my resume. But if the CEO ran late, I would say, “oh, that’s okay - you’re a busy person.” Why does the CEO get the benefit of my doubt, but I don’t? Because we’re self-absorbed.We are self-absorbed in our worlds. We are thinking about how others perceive us if they were us. We are thinking that the person in front of us in line is moving slow to upset us.  The people upstairs are making noises to get back at us for making noise earlier.  The CEO acknowledged that I made it to the meeting late, and that’s their way of telling us that they noticed we were late.  What if the inner dialogue was different?  What if the CEO acknowledged that I arrived late, and it feels good to be noticed?What if the people upstairs are making noises, and that’s okay because I’m sometimes noisy myself?What if the person in front of us is moving slowly, and next time I’ll give myself a few more minutes so that I’m not late?What if I made a silly mistake, and now I know that I need to chose to be mindful about doing that thing better?What if you started talking to yourself the way you hope others talk to you?“If anyone talked to you like you talked to you, you wouldn’t be their friend.” - Shawn Wells as heard on Intelligence for Your Life (also from Grant Yourself Some Grace)