Disagreeing with someone is a generous act only when you can build on their idea with ideas that help them better get what they want or show them a better way. Because the people you seek to serve want to do something that means something for someone else. Then how to make disagreements more productive? Instead of saying, “I hear what you’re saying, and here’s how why I disagree,” consider, “Yes, and here’s how we can make the idea happen faster and better.” The object for improvement is not the person - it’s the person’s idea. Pushing back in that way may take more work - you’ll need to be mindful - but the payoff can’t be measured and is worth it.P.S. I don’t recommend pushing back in the way foxes do. We’re not foxes. But they’re cute to look at.

When was the last time you needed to give someone bad news? Do you remember feeling anxious about how the conversation might go? What might others think? What if they don’t like what you’re saying? And what if you could move past all of that?Think about when you had to let someone know that you were leaving your job for another. Did you notice that the anxiety leading up to the conversation was always worse than the actual act of telling someone? Perhaps the anxiety leading up to a wedding? Perhaps the anxiety of telling someone that you are not happy with their performance?We do so much pre-deciding for how others will respond to us that we lose the opportunity to actually experience other people. Give people a chance to prove themselves.

And music is not self-service. You don’t study and play music to show off your skills - you do it to perform for others. As an accompanist, my job is to use my skills so that soloists can more easily do their jobs. If I did my job right, the soloist would feel free to express and connect with their audience. If the soloist does their job right, the audience leaves moved and - hopefully - changed.All of that is possible if you leave yourself and focus on others.

How to do something worth something for someone else? Part of the answer involves understanding the “someone else” you’re trying to do something for - the outcome.The other part of the solution involves your desire to methodically solve the problem - the strategy. People that focus on the outcome may focus on how they might fail or how their work might not resonate. People that focus too much on strategy may fear actually getting started - it’s easy to hide behind “planning.“What we miss is that doing something for someone else worse requires risk. The risk that the people we seek to serve may not want what we’re making for them. That’s okay. That’s okay because that feedback is an opportunity to make our work better. If you’re feeling uneasy about starting your work and hiding behind “waiting and planning” or “what if’s,” embrace that tension. That means you realize that the work you’re about to do matters. It’s also a good sign that you’re ready to start. So take the step. Who doesn’t want an opportunity to do better?

Not feeling the college train? I’m sure you’ve heard, “you’ll never get a job without a college degree.” (note: I’m a recruiter, and I can tell you that’s blatantly false.)Not feeling the traditional career path? Maybe your parents have asked about “your five-year plan?”  Not feeling marriage? I’ve met more and more people creating life partnerships with their significant others.  Not feeling like you can speak up with your voice because your tribe may cancel you for your thoughts?  The institutions that tell us that people marry, or there’s a career path to follow, or that you need a college degree hold these views because that’s how the system operates. That’s how the participants in that system got where they are - and they may or may not be happy. They are also not you.  Don’t let the need to conform outweigh the will to be you. What I, others, the system, and you need is - you.For more inspiration, check out the movie “Babe.”

If your computer desktop looks cluttered with icons to click, you have everything at your fingertips. A click of a button and you have what you want - documents are easy to find. What if you put your icons into folders that were stored off your desktop?Whether or not you are aware of it, you might ask yourself:What if I forget where I put them?What if I need them right away?What if I forget that I had them?What if that keeps me off track?What if I can’t do my job?What if I start underperforming?The intense anxiety prompts you to keep all of your choices available - because “what if?”  It’s good to have choices. But it’s also a curse. Because of questions like - “what if?“It might also be the reason you have a hard time deciding what to order in a restaurant - because “what if?“If you’re deciding what to cook for when the family comes over, “what if?“There will always be a “what if,” but what’s right in front of us is - “what is.”

Thinking about the US Election - do you know people who believe that Trump will destroy socialistic ideals? And do you know people who believe that Trump supporters are fascists? And if the answer is yes, when was the last time you heard them share an empathetic statement about the other side’s point of view?All humans share a few core values. For example, all humans value relationships and fairness. Given that these are shared values, what keeps us from talking to all humans about how we can live those values better?  The “us vs. them” tribalism plays out in corporate life too. Will our department outperform others? How come that team gets more than my team?  And we see the resentment show up in other areas and stages of our lives as well - how we perceive our neighbors, where people come from, where we attended school, etc.There may be systemic problems in this world - and some of these problems can be solved through policy. But I see the real challenge as our lack of desire to create bonds with those that are different.  Hate is a powerful and useful emotion. It’s easy to hate and feel negativity. But loving and choosing to love more, that’s generous - and hard - work. It’s also worth it.P.S. The picture is of a US Baseball team that’s easy to hate ;-)

If I want to get better at playing the piano, I must first admit what I do not know. When you decide you want to get better at doing anything, first take stock of what you know, don’t know, and what you don’t know that you don’t know. Then pick one thing to learn, practice it relentlessly, and master it.Pick enough things to master, and you’ll soon be playing in no time.But you have to pick a place to start.

And that can’t matter. Because the people we seek to serve don’t care how we feel. What’s most important to them is how they feel.Being an artist is showing up even when it doesn’t feel right. Doing the work because that’s the promise you made. Being something for others because that’s who you are. Does that mean disregard our emotions? No. Acknowledge them. And then move forward.

In the 17th century, an apple pie consisted of nothing more than apples and a pie crust.Depending on the sweetness of the apples, sugar might have been added.Settles placed the assembled pie into an earthen oven to bake and used their senses to determine when baking finished.What’s most interesting to me is everything they did not have or use to create a pie - recipes, timers, YouTube video how-to’s, etc. An apple pie - at its core - is nothing more than pie crust and apples. Sometimes life is that simple. What could be simpler for you?Recipe for an apple pieMake pie crust - flour, butter, egg, and some baking soda. Add apples.Bake at whatever temperature you’d like.When it smells good - it’s ready.