Now I am overwhelmed.  I have clients who need me to find talent.I have clients who want me to help create more inclusive mindsets.I have books to read for myself.I have music to play for others.I have a podcast to edit.I have blogs to write for you.I am not complaining. I think being overwhelmed can have its benefits.  How?  Because now I get to choose. I get to prioritize. I get to decide what’s most important to me and act.  It’s a privilege to have options. It’s better when each option helps another human.

I thought about writing a happy birthday post to the blog, but I won’t. Everybody celebrates annual events, why should I?  No. Not me. I’m celebrating “almost a year.”  My almost a year party is a celebration of what almost happened this last year.  I almost went a full year of blogging every day.I almost launched several projects, but then stopped and reiterated.  I almost lost control of myself.I almost lost all the weight I wanted.I almost kept a solid daily routine.It’s easy to feel demotivated when you read this list. It looks like I haven’t done anything? But I have.I have successfully spent a year failing, learning, iterating, and never giving up - doing.  What have you almost done? And why aren’t you celebrating it?Maximum Effort.Read the first post here.

If you’re communicating a thought, and you’re using lots of words, what words can you eliminate and still get your point across? What doesn’t need to be said for someone to understand you? What do you need to say? Scaling from excess to moderation is fine. Seeking the essence is better.

Remember that we cannot control the story others tell themselves about us. But we can help.My friend from yesterday’s post, remember him? It was tough for me to share with him how he came across. I want to be supportive - and what I really mean is “nice.” But “nice” is not what was needed. An honest reflection is what the situation, and my friend, required - I needed to be a mirror.To reflect someone back to themselves so that they can learn and grow is generous. It’s supportive and challenging at the same time.If you love your friends, be a mirror.They’ll thank you.

The other day I was playing music with a friend who was stressed out. I could tell he was stressed - he performed poorly, and he wasn’t pleasant to be around.  The following day I asked him what stressed him out. He told me that the gig circumstance was not ideal; that the flooring in his house wouldn’t get finished due to COVID; and some other personal issues. Though his situation was far from stress-less, he never intended to come across as a jerk.  Today I realized an important fact - he can only know our intentions and our feelings. We can translate what we know into action, but we can’t actually see what we do. More than that, we can’t control how our behaviors will be perceived. Nor can we control how others will attach their perception of our actions to our character.  How we perceive a situation determines how we feel, our intentions, and our actions.  How others perceive our actions will have nothing to do with our situation. It will have everything to do with how they see our character.Ever try to show others you’re fine when you’re not using your facial expressions?Ever notice that people somehow know you’re not by reading your face?That is the point - we can only control what we put out to an extent, but we can’t control how it’s seen.

Imagine walking everywhere without shoes. And not just the beach or the park. I’m writing about the pavement, the gravel roads, the stores, and the sidewalks - everywhere. Some people can do it - the ones who did not grow up with shoes. Many of us, and I’m willing to wager you, can’t. Now recall a moment when judged another person because of their shoes. What did you like or dislike about them? What did the shoes tell you about that person? Shoes are interesting to me. To be without them makes us vulnerable to the elements. To have them makes us vulnerable to the judgment of others. And who enjoys being vulnerable 24/7? We turn to shoes to insulate us and open up worlds that, without them, might not be possible. Barefooted at the beach and want to cross the gravel parking lot to your car? Put on sandals (shoes). Looking to impress your future boss? Don your pair of Allen Edmonds. Want to buy groceries? No shirt, no shoes, no service. What if we applied the value we place on shoes to other areas of life? Our choices? How we treat others? And - more importantly - how we treat ourselves?HT to Aeon and Randy Laist for the inspiration

On Saturday, June 4, 1938, at 2:40 PM, John Steinbeck wrote in his diary, “if it doesn’t get done, it doesn’t matter.” I read John’s words, and I immediately wanted to write a post about them. But I don’t think his words warrant a comment. Enjoy Steinbeck’s thoughts and make them useful for you.

I’m bred this way - to not let go.  To not let go of the problems that face me.  To not let go of my dreams.To not let go of the issue.  How do I learn to let go?I recently learned a concept about processes. A good process will yield a useful result - even if the result is not intended. Another way to think of it - it’s not about what you do, it’s about how you decide to do it. For me, learning to let go is the same.The process for how to decide to let go.Identify what you’re holding on to and why it’s worth holding on to. Write down what you learned on a piece of paper.Read what you wrote out loud.  Ask yourself, does holding on to this problem help me - and others - understand what my life is for? If the answer is no, then go back to question 1, is it worth holding on to?I have tried to think of an answer if the answer is “yes.” But until now, I have only answered no.

My Mom is an advice bomber.  She doesn’t barrage you, but when she drops a useful tidbit, it’s impactful.  I live with problems that I can control. Sometimes, I don’t. And when I don’t, I make mistakes.  I’ve also learned to hold on to my mistakes. I don’t know if that’s a result of guilt, being Catholic, a repressed Hispanic trait, or being a son - I don’t know! But I am my own worst critic. Who isn’t?  I think no one, but recently I’ve started to consider my Mom the exception - which is a surprise if you know my Mom.  “You need to forgive yourself.“Look, I can engage in self-love all day long. Self-pity? Not my thing. Self-indulgence? Have you seen the custard posts? But, self-forgiveness???! To forgive means to relent anger, to give up resentment, to absolve payment. My existence if about giving in, stepping into, and doing more. How can I do the opposite?

It was one of those moments when I was in the car with Dad.

For the life of me, I can’t remember what we were talking about.

We were on our way to the usual lunch joint - a hole-in-the-wall pub that my Dad proudly brags he’s gone to off and on for 47 years - called the Nashotah Clubhouse. And it was on this drive that he gave me this advice.