“No true gift is free of risk.“I use Ida Benedetto’s statement often in my posts. Why?Because change can be a gift.Because with change comes risk.  The risk that we’ll see the world differently.The risk that different may not be better.The risk that we might feel shame brought on by guilt.The risk that we might feel anger brought on by inequality.At the end of the day, we’ll never know what might happen until it actually happens, we can only assume which leads to fear.The problem with fear caused by assumption is that it’s something created within ourselves, and therefore, not yet real.  On the flip side, once we’ve made a change, we might find fulfillment. A fulfillment that comes from doing life better by doing better things.  Hesitant? Unsure? Worried how others might perceive you? Worried about being insensitive?  Worried you might be wrong? Worried you might be right? Worried about your pride? It’s okay. It’s the resistance talking, and it’s there to help you. You can beat it.But, it’s also keeping you from receiving and giving to the world something more beautiful - a gift.  Perhaps that gift is the ability to be more of what we need in this world - you.

If you’re going to create change that lasts, you need to see what’s in front of you. In order to see, you need to listen. In order to listen, you need to realize. You need to realize that everyone has a life as complicated, vivid, frightful, and just as beautiful as yours. Sonder is that realization. You don’t need me to rehash how 2020 has shaped up for us - it’s sucked. We’ve experienced a lot. What we’ve also encountered is seeing how our friends react - especially on social media. I’ve purposefully taken a step back. I’ve chosen to observe how people react, listen, and self-reflect. I have my opinions, but they don’t matter to anyone but myself. What matters is sonder - my realization that others have complicated lives, too. Through sonder, I’m a better listener, more thoughtful in my reflections, and more effective at helping others when I can. Now is the time to realize and fully see the others.

Have you read or heard these comments from your friends?“I’m over it, I’m leaving Facebook. It’s too dark here. Peace out, y’all.““I’ll fight anybody that disagrees with me. All cops are bad.““The virus scares me, I can’t see you.““There’s no point in trying to get ahead, so why bother?““Black lives matter. And, if you disagree with me, we can’t be friends.”  I have, and I see them every day. I find them interesting. Why?Because they are the work of the “doing mode.”  David, what’s the “doing mode,” and why do I care about it? Your brain’s “doing mode” creates a picture of how the world “should” look, and then it works to make that picture a reality. It’s the mindset that enables us to invent things, finish a task, and “do” life. But, like most things we do, we sit in this mode too much. Here’s an example of what I mean.When things aren’t becoming a reality quickly or smoothly, the “doing mode” goes into “overdrive.” It will cause you to stress, obsess, and feel things are “unfair” or “unjust.” You’ll frustrate.When you begin to frustrate, you’ll be experiencing unpleasant emotions. “Doing mode” doesn’t want to deal with your feelings, and it will work to get rid of them.When you are getting rid of emotions, you’re seeking closure. Even if that means changing the subject, lashing out, distancing yourself, or doing anything that creates a closure, be it healthy or not - it’s Machiavellian this way.  When you are creating unhealthy closure, your ability to “do” the real things that matter, and serve your tribe, is compromised.  When you’re compromised, you’ll feel shame.  When you feel shame, you give up.When you give up…The “doing mode” is balanced by the “being mode.” A mindset that enables you, no, “allows” you to exist. To take things in, to learn, to question, to make a decision, and to move on. The “being mode” is about “experiencing” life. It’s also about growth.We need both modes of thought to exist.  “Experiencing” life gives us the ability to “do” living better.But, it only works if you can do both in balance.The balance will enable you to keep going.We need you to keep going.  Oh…A more detailed and scientific article on these two modes can be found here.Also, I chose the header image for this entry because it epitomizes how your “doing” mode operates. In kind of a funny way, I see that sign in my head all the time. Sometimes, I need to erase it and write, “Stop. Listen. See. Question. Reflect. Act.”If you’re interested in reading about what I’ve been reading in the last 6 months, let me know and I’ll share.

Have you really stopped to deeply think about this question - what is it for? This meeting, what is it for? Will this meeting help me understand what our work is for? Culture, what is culture for? Will creating a diversity committee help me understand what culture is for? School, what is school for? Will writing this essay help me understand what school is for? Protests, will attending a protest help me understand what a diverse and inclusive culture is for? People are staking out their tribes now. People are angry. People are frustrated. People are sick and tired of being “sick and tired." Extend empathy. Get involved. Be an ally. Create a culture. Just understand what it’s for. HT to Seth Godin for the “What is school for?" question.

Interesting thoughts today. Nobody likes melted ice cream.And, everybody loves choice.DoorDash allows you to order food from any vendor you wish and,Dutiful Dashers deliver their orders. Seems simple, right? But, DoorDash doesn’t say - “Hey David, you’re ordering ice cream from a place that’s 20 minutes from your home. It might be melted by the time it reaches you. How about try these options instead?”The problem is, that’s not how the system works. For the system to work, orders are placed based on a customer’s selection and the orders are delivered. The system trusts that a customer has enrolled themselves into the process enough to pay attention to the distance. If you’re building an experience for someone else, a platform, a business, a service, a dinner, a party, or literally anything that involves another human being part of something you’ve orchestrated - consider their experience. Why?Because, nobody likes melted ice cream. Because, nobody likes to do extra work.Because, we want our cake and we want to eat it, too.

My Dad once told me, “You’re not Hispanic, you’re not brown, you’re not an artist. You are my son - you are David. And, I love you.”

Thanks, Dad.

Thanks for showing me that I am so much more than what others might define me as.

I hope this lesson you shared with me so long ago helps others.

I love you.

Your son,

(Just only) David

(Backstory in case we’ve never met: I was born in Costa Rica, I am tanned, and I’m a musician by trade. I’ve also have an awesome Dad.)

Riots, killings, anxiety, anger, resentment, sadness, hurt, resignation… and fear. Emotions that many are feeling at this moment.

Keep your eyes open.

Be aware of what’s happening around, within, and through you.

Do more of the things that enable you to serve others.

Do more of the things that enable you to be you.

But, to do that, you need to see what’s ahead, and behind.

Keep your eyes open.

Many people in the cruise industry were furloughed in the last month. They’ve been told they could be brought back in 6 months. As a bonus, they get to keep their benefits.  Many people in situations like these are stuck.  Do they look for an entry-level job so that they can get by?Do they start over?But, if they do, what about their benefits?What about their furloughed job, wouldn’t it be there waiting for them?The “safe” mindset is to “wait and see.” The “doing” mindset is to focus on you.  You can hope for a job.You can also hope to be the change you want to see, to come alive - a job just happens to be a vehicle to get you to that point.Which path is best for you?

What if we stopped asking ourselves, “what’s my dream job?”What if we stopped judging ourselves by what degree we have or don’t have?What if the life we’re making now didn’t need to look like the our parents think we should have? What if work was about doing something that mattered to us? Do you know what it means to do work that matters?If you don’t, then consider the below questions. Who are the people I am meant to help?What’s the problem they need solved? Is the solution something I’m passionate about? Will my work make a difference?Honestly, there are so many more questions… so many. I wish more of us would ask ourselves these questions. Why?Because when we know what matters to us, we know how and where to invest our time. What matters to you?Photo credit: Jen Theodore