Someone asked if we think it would help if they visited my dad. How do you answer that question?
Dad has Alzheimer’s and he’s dying, would your visit help him die faster? Die more calmly? Remember more suddenly?
Perhaps that person would like to resolve some things for themselves on that visit. Maybe the visit would help them?
At the end of this process the family is not going to sit down and say, “you know, we really shouldn’t have had $\text{Person A}$ visit, it didn’t help, next time Dad passes, let’s ask $\text{Person A}$ to show up a bit earlier.”
I think about my breakdown earlier this year. And, doing my post mortem, I realize that I put too much pressure on myself. You might do this too —
— too much pressure to get things right the first time, to succeed the way I think I should succeed, to be in a place I think I should be, to do the things I think I should do, to respond the way I think I should respond, to activate the potential I think I should activate.
Well meaning people ask: how is your dad?
I have no idea how to answer that question without sounding like a jerk. I dread answering the question. I know myself — I speak bluntly and directly more often than not. I know that I see things pretty matter-of-factly, and I know that doesn’t come across well.
When answering — all I can say is: He sucks. He’s dying. He’s lost his mind, and he’s not fully aware of what’s happening to him. And, it’s awful. Thanks for asking.
Euclid writes that a point is that which has no part. Well if something has no parts, it cannot be divided into other parts… and if it cannot be divided into any other parts, because it doesn’t exist? Another definition suggests that a point is the point from which magnitude increases. In astronomy, magnitude means brightness. In mathematics, magnitude means size. In seismology — energy. Could it be said that a point is nothing unless the person receiving the point assigns an amount energy/value/size/importance to that point? What is the point of this post? To some it might be nothing… but to me, it’s that a point, like art, matters in the eye of the beholder.
Burt, Hal, Dionne — and later Babs — ask the important questions of the listener:What’s it all about? Is it just for the moment we live?What’s it all about when you sort it out?Are we meant to take more than we give? Or, are we meant to be kind?Are the kind foolish and the strong cruel? And if the strong be cruel, do you lend on a golden rule?The song asks the ultimate question — what’s life about? And is it about hoarding what’s yours or giving all you can to serve others? And if you hoard, what are you missing that causes you to keep? Perhaps it’s love — true love — the feeling of being loved. I love the last line:“When you walk, let your heart lead the way. And you’ll find love any day, Alfie.”Enjoy:
Disclaimer: I’m not writing a religious post!
At church today, the priest spoke about suffering — “suffering is a means to life.” He also said, “death is not an end, life is changed through death, it continues.” The religious idea is that we are promised eternal life by Jesus.
I enjoy researching consciousness. In the last 90 days, I found articles theorizing that consciousness could be non-local — source. The idea is that consciousness may be some quantum entangled thing and it might persist long after our bodies die. I’m ultra-simplifying and robbing you of the nuance — for more, read the link.
We needed to arrive at the location before 4pm. If we missed the time, it’s possible we might not complete a critical task on behalf of my dad. We left the first location at 2:30pm, and it became clear that we would arrive at our destination around 3:40pm. We would be rushing to complete our task. Only to have to rush back home in order to make another deadline.
At 3pm I decided to turn the car around and head back home. Why rush? Why stress about getting from one point to another? I, and my compatriots, are already stressed and tired — why put ourselves through more of it? My decision created some frustration that quickly abated — “we’re almost there, let’s just get this done… we’ll rest when we’re dead.”
To approach a thing stoically can mean to approach a thing without feeling or in a temperate manner. To approach a thing with a Stoic mindset can mean to deeply appreciate the experience of a thing and then move forward when it’s time to move forward.I struggle to go through life with a small case stoic nature. I feel my experiences deeply, and I desire to appreciate those feelings to maximum extent possible. Perhaps I never want that small case experience. Perhaps, one of the best lessons the death process teaches me is that maximizing the perception of the moment while being able to move forward — time doesn’t stop — is the best way for me to experience life. In fact, I wonder if I effectively move forward unless I allow myself to maximally experience the moment. When I use maximize, I don’t mean to n’th degree every second of every day. I mean to do all I can to be present and allow life to unfold in front of me. To widen my mind and my heart’s aperture as much as I can. To perceive what I can, not judge it, and take a step forward. Said another way — live each moment (responsibly) like it’s the last.
He lay on the bed propping his head up with his hand. Eyes locked on me so that he could receive lyric cues. He listened attentively, trying to match his singing with the song. The micro-smile forming at the corners of his mouth signaled his enjoyment — singing through his favorite songs.
We recited the poems he quotes most — Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening. He claimed that he would sleep soon, but I still had miles to go.
Insights from a conversation:What’s right isn’t necessarily a right.Keeping score never helped anyone stay in the long game.It’s better to give away to strangers and live for others than hold to what ultimately won’t serve you or others.Very little actually matters. You have miles to go before you sleep.